Half-hearted, half-way

Nehemiah 3 & 4

If you’ve ever embarked on a DIY project, you know that the messiest point in the process is when you’re half-way; the old is in shambles and still very visible, and the new is such a contrast that it looks like nothing is quite right. At this point, it’s easy to question whether you should have started in the first place and to wonder if it would be best to give up before things get even worse. It’s disheartening.

When Nate and I have been in the middle of home renovations, at least one of us faces a crisis of doubt, asking, “will this really work?!”. And we expect the other one to muster up some words of encouragement to double down and keep going, even if we only half-believe in ourselves. A simple raised eyebrow at the fragile midpoint could be the straw that topples confidence and halts improvements altogether.

In Nehemiah 3, God’s people have risen to the task of rebuilding Jerusalem’s walls, and in chapter 4, their dedication raises the wall to half its height (4:6). The word half is repeated 4 times in chapter 4, describing the messy middle.

Not only do the people face their own internal questions about progress on the wall (4:10), they hear external threats, mockery, and slander about it (4:2,3,8,11,12). Because of this, Nehemiah is forced to divide his man-power in half, grouping them into construction teams and protection teams (4:16,21). Even those on the construction team are half-soldiers, one hand laboring at the task and the other hand holding a weapon (4:17). Midpoint calls for multiplication, not multitasking, but circumstances won’t allow that kind of focus, and, under such conditions, it’s no wonder that they became half-hearted half-way through.

I don’t know what project God has called you to for the sake of his people, but don’t be surprised if you arrive at the half-way point, only to doubt the whole idea because you’re divided in all directions. The Enemy will hurl the same five insults at us that he threw in the face of Israel all those years ago (4:2):

Who are YOU to do this? You’re ill-equipped.

You think God can help you? You’re all alone.

Is your goal really achievable? You’re dreaming.

How long will this take? You’ll never finish.

Don’t you see how bad things are? You don’t have the resources.

Even if all that you have is halved, “the Lord is great and awesome” (4:14). He frustrates the Enemy’s plans and fights for His own (4:15,20), doubling down when we’re forced to divide.

God of Both/And

Inspired by Luke 1:5-25

Incense swirled its way upward, outward, heavenward.

Forgive Your people

Send the Messiah

Give us a son

Zechariah stopped mid-prayer, chiding himself for that last request and shaking his head that it lingered still. Truly, it had been a desire long ago, voiced by himself and Elizabeth, but as decades passed, it had crystalized into a wordless ache.

Remember your people

Keep your promise

Give us a - 

Not again! Enough with the personal issues! He took a deep breath, the aroma filling his nostrils and focusing his senses. He was there at the altar of incense on behalf of Israel’s long-held hopes, not to bring up his own impossible ones. How selfish of me, and how ridiculous!  If God had been silent towards the entire nation for hundreds of years as they prayed, then surely God’s lack of response to his private burden should be understandable by now. Plus, with age came natural limitations. Priorities, he told himself.

Deliver your people

Bring us hope

Give - 

Suddenly, off to his right, he sensed someone nearby. All of the people were just outside praying; who would dare to enter this sacred space? He looked over and turned white with dread.

“Do not be afraid, Zechariah, for your prayer has been heard.”

In a millisecond, questions flashed through his mind: Which prayer? For the nation or for Elizabeth and me? Which one has been heard? How could either of them really be answered?

God would break centuries of silence to answer both an elderly couple’s cry for a child and a nation’s cry for a Deliverer.  John would be his parents’ fulfilled prayers and Israel’s final prophet announcing their Messiah. We don’t have a God who has to pick between either/or; He is the God of both/and.

Do you pray believing that? Or do you filter your prayers, as if God has to choose one or the other? Has time decreased the probability that He can answer at all?

I’ll be taking a blogging break over November & December, so Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!

Approved & Pleasing

Last week, after returning from a retreat and launching a women’s Bible study at our church, an attack from the enemy came full-force into my heart:

“No one will be closer to Jesus because of those verses.”

“All you did was talk about things that don’t matter.”

“That was a waste of time.”

“If you didn’t see tears, the Word didn’t reach hearts.”

“You think there was any power behind that message?”

Etcetera. In the moment, those words landed as more valid and true than any other words. 

I’m sure you’ve been there. You’ve given yourself to something God called you into, and afterward, the second-guessing, the doubts, and the lies land heavy. “What was I even thinking to imagine God could use me?”, we ask ourselves.

But there are words more valid and true that fight back like a sword:

1. “Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.” 2 Timothy 2:15

We put forth effort within our callings so that we stand tested and approved by God, not by others, and not even by ourselves, so tainted by pride and vulnerable to deception. Feedback and self-evaluation have their place, but they don't determine whether God approves. Handling God’s word faithfully enables us to stand unashamed in its truth when the enemy aims darts of shame at us.

…So was I aiming for God’s approval by accurately handling His word? 

2. “Without faith it is impossible to please God, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.” Hebrews 11:6

Pleasing God begins with faith, not with activity. Actions within our calling must be based on faith that God is calling! We draw nearer to God in what He’s calling us to do, because we believe that He is in it and that He rewards our step of faith.

…So was I walking by faith in what I did?

Although I did it feebly, these were the truths I had to take to heart and the questions I asked back at the lies. Whatever God has called you to today, arm yourself with words more valid and true than all other words.

Trials & Testing

Throughout life, it seems that the trials of my faith prove just how little of it I have. I could assume the nickname for myself that Jesus compassionately created for His disciples, “Little-faith ones”. The trying circumstances in which Jesus used this unique term are recorded in Matthew’s Gospel, and they highlight reactions to life that come much more naturally - at least to me - than faith does.

Anxiety: “Will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious…” Matthew 6:30-31. 

Draw me into dependence on You as my Father. You’re enough for today.

Fear: “Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?” Matthew 8:26.  

Calm me as my Creator, present with me in the rocking boat.

Doubt: “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” Matthew 14:31. 

Reassure me as my Rescuer with your reliable Word and steady hand.

Inattention: “O you of little faith, why are you discussing among yourselves the fact that you have no bread?...Do you not perceive? Don’t you remember the five loaves…or the seven loaves?” Matthew 16:5-12.  

Show me all your past evidence as Provider, so that I trust you right now. 

May we respond to this nickname like the apostles did in humble desperation before the Lord, “Increase our faith!” Luke 17:5.

“If you have faith like a grain of mustard seed…nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20.