Reflections from my soul to yours.
Is “Failure” Fruitless?
Nehemiah 13
Last Monday we dropped our oldest off at college. He was worried about my tears as we hugged goodbye, but I reassured him that nothing was wrong. And that’s true, even though it felt like I was leaving behind my 1 year old who had just learned how to walk, or my 5 year old who had just learned how to read, or my 10 year old who had just learned the difference between girls and boys.
How can this be ok?
Eighteen years of parenting, and that stage is over with a wave out the window.
We wonder deep down, if we led well enough.
Whether you’re a parent or not, any time we invest ourselves whole-heartedly in someone or something, any time we give our lives to a cause or to a calling, any time we lead the way in some type of role, we’re hoping and praying for certain results. The late nights, the long prayers, the lack of sleep - will all of that end in positive outcomes?
It seems that the flourishing of both people and projects hinges entirely on the leader, especially today when leadership development initiatives are having their cultural moment. But in the final chapter of Nehemiah, we find unexpected reassurance - for both moms and managers - in a leader’s “failure”.
For twelve years he prayed, labored and devoted himself to his calling, but the minute Nehemiah stepped away, it all fell apart. Some say these kinds of results indicate a leadership issue: If only he had done a better job building his bench, preparing the next generation, there would not have been a leadership gap. If only he had actually cared about the people, they would have followed someone who cared. If only he had a system in place, the people would have had the clarity they needed in his absence. Since leadership is influence, these results must mean he didn’t have either. Maybe God didn’t choose him after all.
We have only to read the previous chapters to know that these assumptions would be wrong.
Famous for its leadership principles, the book ironically ends with Nehemiah’s agony and frustration. Nothing he did actually stuck with the people. His example couldn’t keep them on the right path, and his reforms couldn't hold them close to God.
But these realities narrow Nehemiah’s focus: his calling isn’t actually about a certain response from the people he’s led; his calling is really between God and him (v. 14,22,31). If your leadership, your parenting, or your efforts to make change have failed to produce the results you were hoping for, you might be overlooking the fruit God sees: your own personal faithfulness to His calling, just like Nehemiah’s.
Motherhood
Yesterday was my last Mother’s Day with both boys in high school, because our oldest graduates in just a couple weeks. Being a boy mom (or a mom of teenagers), you never know if they’ll take a moment like this seriously or if they’ll try to make you laugh, and yesterday they chose the latter.
As we sat together wrapping up the day, Nate said to them, “Let’s each list 3 words that describe Mom”. Their mental wheels started to spin, and they exchanged grins. The first few adjectives they immediately came up with were:
Female
Maternal
Motherly
Minority
Motherhood is such an adventure!
I was asked to share my heart on motherhood for a few minutes yesterday in church, so I’ve attached the link here if you’d like to listen in. The morning message begins at 39:35, starting with our pastor’s introduction, followed by our women’s ministry director’s portion, and then my portion.
Our women’s ministry director speaks openly about the lies we tend to believe as moms, and it’s a heart-check session!
Here’s a brief summary of my outline: Motherhood is about being, not doing
Be invisible with your Father
(Matthew 6:1-18)
Be in step with the Spirit
(Galatians 5:25)
Be increasingly less so Jesus is more
(John 3:27-30)
Happy Mother’s Day, and I hope this encourages your heart!
Back-to-School Prayer
Our boys started their sophomore and senior years in high school last Wednesday, but this is their first full week back. As I’ve thought about all of their commitments and their development in 2024-2025, these desires for them rise out of Psalm 90:14-17, and this is what I pray:
Satisfied Hearts: “Satisfy Gradyn and Jace in the morning with your unfailing love…” because there is so much offered to them that will only leave them empty, longing, and unfulfilled.
Singing Mouths: “...that they may sing for joy and be glad all their days. Make them glad for as many days as you have afflicted them, for as many years as they have seen trouble…” May the hard times be displaced by the joy they find in you so that instead of overhearing teenage complaints, negativity, and sarcasm, our ears catch them singing in the shower.
Saturated Eyes: “May your deeds be shown to your servants, your splendor to Gradyn and Jace…” Our eyes roam in search of splendor. Shield their eyes with the bright light of your presence and actions, so they’re more amazed by you than by anything else.
Steadied Hands: “May the favor of the Lord our God rest on them; establish the work of their hands for them- yes, establish the work of their hands.” Only by your grace can their effort this year mean anything. Let what they do make a difference in the direction of their lives, others’ lives, and for eternity.
May it be so.
Parenting: a halftime report
Our church has been going through a series this summer in the book of Proverbs, and last Sunday morning, Nate & I had the privilege of sharing what God has taught us up to this point in our parenting journey.
Although we still have a long way to go in wisdom as parents, this is what we’ve gained so far :) We looked back in time to our earliest days and dug down to the foundations of parenting, so if you’re a young mom or dad, maybe the formative lessons we’ve learned along the way can be a resource for you.
You can watch here. Click sermon archives, The Narrow Path, July 28.
Some of our favorite books to read as a family with toddler to elementary-age boys:
Thoughts to Make Your Heart Sing
With love, Cherith
For the college-bound
Inspired by Proverbs 3:1-6
We’re in the season of making college visits with our oldest son, so when I came to Proverbs 3 in my devotions, all I could think about was when his actual send-off comes next year. I’ll need as much help as I can get on that day, and these six verses prompted me to parallel each one with what I’d say if I wasn’t sobbing my eyes out…so maybe a letter, tucked between layers of clothes in his suitcase, would be better. I’d write it like this:
My son,
Keep this instruction in your heart:
Those phrases I repeated every time you walked out the door
and those things I’ve said about the kind of lifestyle that’s best - remember it all!
You’ll experience a better life and a more peaceful one if you do.
I’ve tried to follow my own advice, and now it’s your turn. (v.1,2)
Carve these initials on your heart:
L+F. They’re together forever.
Love + Faithfulness go hand in hand like an aged couple
with decades of character between them.
These qualities, straight out of God’s heart,
form the foundation of all lasting relationships, between God and you
and between you and others. (v. 3,4)
Trust the Lord with your heart:
You might feel grown up and like you understand everything (at least, I did at your age)
but don’t just live by your instincts or your best guess.
Instead, with every decision ahead of you, talk to God. Ask Him.
You’ll be surprised at how He makes the unclear, clear
and the crooked, straightened out. (v.5,6)
Of course, there’s more I could say, but if you’re intentional about what you do in, on, and with your heart, you’ll be off to a good start.
With love,
Mom